My guess is that perhaps they did not have the gift I’ve been given, which is I can SEE when the monster takes over. But then again, who am I to blame anyone?Īll members of my family where doing the best they could with what they knew at the time. I am not proud of it it is just the way it is. I grew up in one of the most dysfunctional families of South America. I can rationalize where this mad-energy comes from. ![]() ![]() Just the fact that I am talking about it here and that I am aware this energy can possess me is a HUGE WIN. It wants to assure me that I am not worth having a descent conversation, a peaceful way of life, No! It wants blood, and if it is other people’s emotional blood then all the better. I fear it because once it takes over it wants only one thing: To destruct everything around me, anything good, and in a bad way. To this day I wonder why is it that sometimes I am taken over by this angry monster, pain body, or just insane mad person that wants to kill everything around it, me included of course. My then boyfriend of 11 months was not clear that we were through and I thought I was sending a strong message, staging a drama, doing it for good.īut the truth is I was crazy, unconscious, downright dangerous and out of my mind. The walls were spinning and I was not drunk, but anger was totally moving me, and it even felt good. When I started kicking the furniture and throwing a can of diet coke against the wall in that Brooklyn apartment, I knew I was pretty angry, but I had no idea I was out of control.
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